Where Do Nightmares End?
by Harmony Delaceur
Summary: Antonio Fernandez is an 18 year old struggling to start over new. He finds a new life in the Vargas household as a nanny, and he settles in and even finds love. What what happens when Antonio's haunted past catches up with him and threatens everything he holds dear?
1. Whose Lovely Eyes

He crossed his arms tight over his stomach, shoulders hunched forward even as he peered excitedly out the window. The plane bumped down on the runway, jolting him slightly. As the airplane halted, he felt nerves causing his stomach to flip over. The plane was unloaded quickly, and he had never been so relieved to feel solid ground beneath his feet.

The airport was crowded and loud, and he felt himself beginning to panic. Before the fear could really creep in, however, he saw a tall man with grey streaked russet curls holding a sign high over the crowd.

Antonio Carriedo.

It was with a sigh of relief that Antonio hurried to the tall man, clutching his duffle bag and guitar case tight to his chest. Antonio stopped before the man, unsure of what to say, but thinking that he should be a bit more assertive and friendly. After all, he was the man who would be caring for his children.

"Hello, Antonio." the russet haired man said with a warm smile, lowering the sign. "I'm Romulus Vargas, but you may call me Roma." Roma had a wide smile on his face.

"Yes sir. Roma." Antonio said, stumbling a bit over his words and mentally face palming. Roma began to walk, and Antonio hurried to keep with him.

"How was your flight?" Roma asked as they ducked into his car. It was a nice car, Antonio knew that, and he realized that Roma's suit was Armani.

"It was fine. There was a bit of turbulence, but nothing terrible." Antonio said, holding his bag tight in his hands. Roma glanced at him.

"You don't have to be worried, Antonio." Roma said, mistaking his anxiety for nerves. "My sons are good children, for the most part. You may have a bit of trouble with Lovino, my eldest, but he's just grumpy because I hired a nanny. " Roma laughs. "Lovino is fourteen, and he's independent is all."

Antonio nodded to himself, forcing himself to relax his death grip on the beaten up duffle bag. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. This was a new start for himself, away from the horror his life had been in Buñol, Spain. He was going to be a new person here, that's what he had decided when he took this job.

The car pulled up to a very nice manor type home, and Antonio stared at it in awe as he climbed out of the car. "Whoa..." he murmured softly.

Roma laughed. "This house was passed down to me from my own father." he explained, leading Antonio inside the house. "Boys!" he bellowed, making Antonio jump and nearly drop his bag. He heard the pattering of footsteps, and then three boys hurried down the steps, stopping when they reached the bottom.

The children stared at Antonio, and he stared back. The smallest one, Seraphino if he remembered correctly, had auburn hair and amber eyes, and he clung to his brother a bit shyly. The second biggest one, Feliciano, had red hair and light honey eyes, and had a decidedly fragile air to him. Lovino, the oldest, had hair that looked to be very dark brown and the brightest green eyes Antonio had ever seen. After a moment of staring, Roma took a step forward.

"Boys, this is Antonio. I told you he was coming. Antonio, these are my sons: Lovino, Feliciano, and Seraphino." Roma said cheerfully. Antonio gave a halfhearted wave, and Feliciano bit back a giggle.

_Smile._ Antonio reminded himself firmly, and he forced a smile for the three boys. It felt wooden and fake, but it was apparently convincing. Seraphino and Feliciano both smiled shyly in response, but Lovino merely huffed and looked away, arms crossed. Roma sighed.

"I have to leave for work, so I'm counting on you three to help Antonio settle in." Roma said. He went to his children and kissed them each on the forehead, pausing when Lovino turned his head away with a scowl. Roma left soon after, and Antonio was left standing there with his bag, suddenly feeling out of place in the immaculate house and expensive furniture.

It was the shy one, Seraphino, who made the first move. He stepped forward, and peered up at Antonio with a curious glint to his eyes. "Your eyes are pretty." the boy said.

Antonio gave the wooden smile again. "Thank you, Seraphino." he said, crouching a bit to look the boy in the eyes. "How old are you?"

"I'm eight!" Seraphino said proudly, puffing out his little chest.

"Really?" Antonio feigned surprise. "You look so much older! It must be those big muscles!" Seraphino ate it up, bouncing excitedly.

"Knock it off, Sera." Lovino snapped, and the eight year old bowed his head instantly. Lovino strode forward purposefully, taking Antonio's duffle bag and handing it off to Feliciano, as well as the duffle bag, and Feliciano let out a little huff as he took its weight. Lovino's hand closed around Antonio's shirtsleeve, half leading, half dragging the Spaniard up the ornate staircase, down a hallway, to a closed door. Feliciano followed with the duffle bag dutifully.

"This is your room." Lovino said, dropping Antonio's sleeve and scowling. "Do whatever you want. Fels, we have to finish our homework. You too, Sera."

"But Lovi!" Feliciano protested in a rather falsetto voice.

"Come on, Feli!" Lovino snapped, grabbing Feliciano's hand and all but dragging the poor boy away. Seraphino followed quickly after them.

With the children off doing their homework, Antonio headed into his new room. It was large, with a hardwood floor and a huge bed done with white sheets and a dark blue blanket. There was a bay window overlooking a small creek and willow tree, and a dresser in the corner. The closet was modest, but that wasn't a problem. Antonio didn't bring much with him. He flopped on the bed, hands behind his head.

Seraphino and Feliciano were both sweet children as far as Antonio could tell. But Lovino seemed bitter and angry at everyone. He turned to his side, facing the bay window, thinking about how he should probably unpack and then go learn more about what he was supposed to do here. But even before the thoughts were completed, Antonio was asleep.

.~*~.

"Oi! Bastard!" an angry voice woke Antonio sometime later, and he sat up, eyes wide and heart pounding like mad, to see Lovino standing in the door with a scowl in place. Antonio looked out the window, grateful to see he hadn't been asleep very long at all.

"A-Ah, Lovino..." Antonio said guiltily, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Caught napping on his first day. "I'm sorry, I was-"

"Don't care, bastard." Lovino said, cutting off the Spaniard, and Antonio's eyes widened. This boy cussed like a sailor.

Feliciano peeked his head around the doorway with a sweet smile. "Hi Antonio." the younger brother said cheerfully. "Can you make us dinner per favore?"

"Of course." Antonio said, scrambling off the bed and running a hand through his dark curls. Feliciano led the way to the nice kitchen, where Seraphino was sitting in a stool at the counter, swinging his feet and a book in his hands. "So what do you boys want for dinner?" Antonio asked the room at large as Lovino slunk into the kitchen.

"Can we have gnocchi?" Seraphino asked excitedly, looking up from his book. Antonio smiled a bit shakily. "Sure thing." He set about to rooting through the cupboards for the ingredients he'd need.

"We have frozen gnocchi." Lovino stated flatly.

Antonio paused for a moment, then renewed his search. "Well, nothing beats homemade gnocchi. Oh! And you have tomatoes! I could even make some nice sauce to go with this!"

He had to admit, he was starting to feel a bit excited. Cooking was one of his greatest talents, and he couldn't wait to see what the boys would make of his cooking capabilities. Maybe it would even be enough to make Lovino smile. It was easy to lose himself in the careful calculations of measuring and mixing, and this was the distraction that Antonio had needed. He could feel all of his anxiety and fears being pushed to the back of his mind, and for a moment, he felt at peace.

"Ta-da!" Antonio said, putting the bowls on the table with a bit of a flourish. The gnocchi were perfectly shaped, the sauce smooth. He had even thrown in a bit of shredded chicken breast and topped the whole thing off with a sprinkling of cheese.

"Oh! Ve~ this is fantastic, Toni!" Feliciano exclaimed in delight after only one bite. Seraphino agreed with an eager nod, shoveling another bite into his mouth. Antonio glanced at Lovino, but the dark haired boy ate quietly, his face expressionless and eyes downcast. Antonio sighed, taking a bite from his own plate.

A few hours later, Antonio crept quietly down the big hallway, stopping before each door. He peeked in Seraphino's room, pleased to see the auburn haired boy sleeping peacefully under a quilt. He moved on to Feliciano's room, where the redhead was twisted in the sheets but breathing peacefully in slumber. Lovino's door was locked, and Antonio returned to his own room. He had left the kitchen spotless after dinner, and now he lay in bed, the blanket warm and comfortable.

It was amazing now much different he felt. He had been here for only one day, but he already felt a little lighter, a little freer He was sleepy, but it was not the emotional and mental exhaustion he had become familiar with, but a physical tiredness that signaled an active day, just like his therapist had recommended. He had one final thought as he drifted off to sleep.

This place really was good for him.


	2. Jade By Colour

Antonio woke early the next morning to the patter of rain hitting the window of his bedroom, hungry and thoughts of a nice breakfast on his mind. He sat up, yawning widely and was almost to the door before he realized.

Last night, there had been no nightmares.

Stopping in his tracks, he furrowed his brow, running through the fragments of dreams that stuck in his mind. There had been no terror last night, no nightmares for the first time since the incident. An incredulous smile crept across his features, and he headed downstairs with a bounce in his step. He puttered around the kitchen, deciding on French toast for breakfast, and had the food almost finished by the time Lovino made his way into the kitchen, bed headed and yawning.

"Good morning." Antonio said, plastering his fake, too happy smile on his face as he divvied up the French toast.

Lovino shot Antonio a look, and the Italian appeared to be analyzing the Spaniard's face. Antonio dropped his head, hiding his wooden smile from his charge. Before Lovino had the chance to berate the Spaniard, a distraction arrived in the form of Seraphino, who was perfectly dressed, hair combed, but tired eyed as he sat at the breakfast bar.

"It's raining." Seraphino announced, looking out the windows at the grey sky.

"Somehow, I managed to figure that out." Lovino muttered, but he did not seem to mean the harsh words as he spoke to his youngest brother.

"Where is Feliciano?" Antonio asked, as minutes passed and the middle brother did not appear.

"He'll be up soon." Seraphino said, more cheerfully now that he was waking up. "Feli sleeps more than Lovi and I do, so he stays in bed longer in the mornings."

Antonio blinked. "Alright." he said after a moment, setting a plate down in front of each kid. He watched Lovino closely as the boy took his first bite, and was again disappointed by the lack of a response that he got. Seraphino, on the other hand, smiled brightly, proclaiming that it was absolutely delicious.

Feliciano finally drifted into the kitchen, dressed in his school uniform but without his shoes. Also, it appeared as though his hair had a mind of his own. The three brothers ate quickly, chattering quietly amongst themselves as they finished getting ready for school.

"How do you boys usually get to school?" Antonio asked, peering out the window at the rain that showed no signs of letting up.

"We walk." Feliciano said with a sweet smile. "Even in the rain."

Antonio frowned a bit at this thought. Surely the boys would get sick walking in the rain like that. Especially since it was January. It would be irresponsible to let the boys walk in this downpour.

"Does Roma have more than one car?" Antonio asked, though he felt that the question was a bit redundant. With a house this big and enough money to hire a nanny, he was sure that the man did own multiple vehicles.

"Sì, he does." Seraphino said, gesturing out the window to the garage attached to the house. "Why?"

"Do you think he would be okay with me driving you three to school?" Antonio asked, feeling a bit awkward. When it came to things like this, he always felt a bit like he was overstepping his boundaries.

"He won't mind." Lovino said, speaking with an admirable level of certainty that Antonio wished he possessed. The eldest Italian wore his trademark scowl, glaring at the floor.

Antonio nodded, and he made his way to the garage, all three children following him like baby ducks. When he reached the garage and flipped on the light, he paused. There were three cars in the large area. A red Porsche Turbo, a silver Mercedes Benz, and a black Aston Martin Vanquish. Antonio knew next to nothing about cars, but even he knew that these were all relatively nice cars. He continued to stand there like a fool as the Italians made their way to the Porsche and climbed inside, looking at him expectantly. So Antonio shook his head, grabbed the Porsche's keys from the bowl by the door, and climbed into the driver's seat.

The Porsche ran like a dream, and when Antonio returned from taking the kids to school, he ran a reverent hand over the shiny red hood. The only car Antonio had ever driven previously was a beat up, clunky Honda Civic.

"Nice, isn't she?" a voice came from behind Antonio, and the Spaniard spun around, heart in his throat. Roma stood in the garage doorway, smiling at him.

"I-I drove the k-kids to school." Antonio said, suddenly terribly afraid that he'd be reprimanded. "I-Is that okay..?"

"Of course it is, Antonio." Roma said, giving a deep, rumbling laugh. "You don't have to be so nervous around me, you know. I don't bite or anything."

Antonio looked down at the floor, embarrassed, and made his way to where Roma stood. He handed the keys to Roma, only to have Roma press them a little more firmly in his hand. Antonio looked up at the Italian man, who was smiling kindly.

"You're going to need a car to drive. You can hang onto these." Roma said.

"T-Thank you, sir.." Antonio stuttered a bit, feeling a little overwhelmed at Roma's generosity.

"You're very welcome." Roma said as the two made their way into the living room. "Now listen, there is something I want to talk to you about."

Antonio nodded, sitting on the edge of the closest seat, and Roma made himself at home on the chair directly across from him. Feeling a familiar sense of anxiety creeping up his throat, Antonio swallowed hard, forcing himself to sit back in the plush seat and to relax his clenched fists.

"I noticed that you've been cooking for my sons. That isn't part of your contract, but Feliciano was going on about how delicious the gnocchi you made last night was. I ate the leftovers, and you have quite the talent for cooking." Antonio smiled a bit at this, looking down at his fingers. "So if you would like to continue, you officially have free reign of the kitchen." Roma said, sweeping his hand towards the kitchen dramatically.

"Thank you Roma." Antonio said, with that little, shy, real smile on his lips.

"Just don't forget to eat." Roma laughed heartily, standing and clapping Antonio's shoulder. "For someone who cooks like you do, you're a bony thing!"

Antonio's real smile slipped away, and he forced a polite one. After the incident back in Spain, he had lost a considerable amount of weight, weight he still did not have the mental wellness to even begin to try to regain. Somehow, Roma seemed to sense the change in Antonio, for he smiled at the young man and released his shoulder.

"You look exhausted, Antonio. Go relax until the school day is over. I have to head back to work."

"Yes sir." Antonio said. And Roma was gone.

Antonio was destructive if left with his thoughts. When he was alone or bored, he started to remember. When he started to remember, he would do anything to stop. So instead, he cleaned. The Vargas house was great, yet it seemed to be a bit rundown, and Antonio spent over an hour simply cleaning the windows.

When the end of the day came, he drove the Porsche and picked up the three Italians. Seraphino and Feliciano chattered to each other and to Antonio, but Lovino just sat in stony faced silence, glaring out the window. Antonio was starting to suspect that this behavior just his usual personality, and not because of Antonio being there.

.~*~.

Two weeks passed. Slowly, the household fell into a comfortable rhythm. During the week, Antonio would get up, cook breakfast, see the kids off to school. When the kids were gone, he would look up recipes, still intent on making Lovino smile, or continue cleaning the great house. Roma was only ever home half the time, but when he was, he treated Antonio like one of his own children. It was confusing at first, but slowly, Antonio became used to the affectionate treatment. He had yet to win over the stubborn Lovino, but began to think of the boy's temper as adorable instead of irritating for some reason.

"Hey Antonio?" A hand touched the Spaniard's cheek, and he startled awake, limbs flailing. Slowly his heart rate returned to normal, and he realized that Feliciano was standing by his bed, sniffling.

"Ah, what's wrong, Feli?" Antonio asked, rubbing his eyes as the adrenalin faded. He glanced at his alarm clock and groaned softly. It was three in the morning.

"I-I had a bad dream..." Feliciano whimpered. Antonio sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

"Do you want me to lay with you?" Antonio offered, squashing down a sick feeling in his gut as a memory flashed in his mind. He bit his lip hard, using the pain to focus.

"S-Sì..." Feliciano sniffled. The boy took Antonio's hand, holding onto only two of Antonio's fingers, and Antonio followed Feliciano back to his bed.

Feliciano crawled under his thick covers, and Antonio lay next to him, watching as the little redhead strapped an odd mask over his face. "What is that?" Antonio asked softly as Feliciano turned the machine on.

"It's called a C-Pap machine. Lovi and I both have sleep apnea." Feliciano explained, his voice slightly distorted. "It means we stop breathing in our sleep sometimes. This machine helps us breathe."

"Oh." Antonio said. He yawned, and Feliciano closed his eyes. Before long, both were asleep.

"FELICIANO!"

Antonio and Feliciano both jerked awake, and Antonio slipped off the bed, landing hard on his rump on the hardwood floor. The frazzled Italian looked up to see an extremely pissed looking Lovino in the doorway, face red as a tomato.

"He had a nightmare." Antonio explained quickly, wincing as he got to his feet, rubbing his eyes.

Feliciano fumbled to remove his C-Pap device. "Calm down, fratellone." the littler redhead reacted calmly to his big brother's anger.

Antonio let out a slight huff that could almost be mistaken for laughter. "Don't worry, Lovino." He said, a nearly authentic lightness to his voice. "This Spanish gem only belongs to you."

Lovino had opened his mouth to retort before Antonio had finished speaking, but he then froze. The angry red colour faded from his face, and he spun on his heel, stalking away. Antonio shook his head, smiling as he headed to the kitchen.

"Good morning, Antonio." Roma said from the kitchen, where he was standing over a frying pan, making what smelled like scrambled eggs.

"Good morning, sir." Antonio said, almost not recognizing the lightness of his own voice.

Roma split the eggs onto different plates. "You've done very well so far, Antonio, and I want you to sit down and actually eat a meal with us." the elder Italian man said, putting the plates on the table. "Boys!" he called.

Antonio sat a bit uncomfortably as Lovino, Feliciano, and Seraphino filed in and took their seats. Breakfast was warm and comfortable, something Antonio was entirely not used to. He had to admit, this kind of atmosphere was nice.

After breakfast, Antonio found himself cornered by Lovino. The younger boy's face was red, and he seemed nervous. Antonio frowned slightly, concerned by the Italian's out of the ordinary behavior.

"Are you alright?" Antonio asked. "Your face is red."

"Sh-Shut up!" Lovino snapped, glaring at the floor. "I-I want to tell you something. So don't you dare try to interrupt me or anything!"

Antonio smiled a bit. The Italian's anger was so cute. Lovino had been the one to win most of Antonio's real smiles, whether the former realized it or not. "Alright." Antonio said. "What is it you want to tell me?"

Lovino fidgeted. "T-This morning, I felt weird when I found you in Feli's bed..." The Italian mumbled, face redder than ever. "I-I think it made me... jealous..."

Antonio's heart stopped as Lovino looked up at him with those green eyes. "Is it wrong to like another boy...?"


	3. Jaded By Years

Antonio looked down at the troubled teenager before him, and he dared to put a gentle hand on his thin shoulder. "This is the type of thing you should talk to your father about, you know that, right?" he said calmly.

"I know that, you bastard!" Lovino snapped, the red colour of his face and his fiery temper serving to brighten the beautiful green of his eyes. He knocked Antonio's hand off of his shoulder. "But if I went to Papa and ask him, he'd brush me off and tell me to stop copying Feliciano, dammit!"

Confused, Antonio blinked. "Copying Feliciano...?" he repeated. And suddenly, Lovino looked ready to cry.

"Yes, damn it all!" Lovino glared to the side. "Feliciano is Papa's favourite, we all know it! And Feliciano has liked boys as long as I can remember! If I tried to tell Papa about this then he would just think that I was trying to copy Feliciano again, and I don't want that! He'd just brush me aside! He hates me." The last few words rose into a whimper, and the red flush finally faded from Lovino's face. A single lonely tear rolled down his cheek.

The Italian looked so pathetic that Antonio couldn't resist drawing the boy into a hug, resting his chin on the dark hair, feeling his heart ache for the confused boy. "He doesn't hate you." Antonio said, his voice gentle to avoid upsetting the boy further. "Roma doesn't hate you. He's always bragging to me about you getting honour roll three years in a row, and that you've taken such good care of your brothers. He does love you very much, Lovi. And I don't see any problem with you liking boys." Antonio smiled, though he knew Lovino could not see it. "After all, I'm bisexual. I've had boyfriends and girlfriends in the past. So don't you dare let anyone tell you it's wrong. Don't let what anyone tells you stop you from being yourself. Stop crying, okay?"

Against his chest, Lovino bawled. "I wanted to hate you, d-damn it!"

Antonio chuckled softly. It seems as though he had gotten through to the boy after all.

.~*~.

After that, Antonio was thrilled to discover that Lovino was making an effort to be nicer to the Spaniard, though his natural bad temper and apparently wild emotion broke through often. But whenever he brought out one of Lovino's rare smiles, it made a shock of happiness travel through his body.

It was amazing to look back and realize how far Antonio had come. He kept a running tally of the nights he spent nightmare free, and it filled him with pride to watch the little tick marks increasing. The nightmares were gone, the trembling, rabbit-like fear he felt in uncertainty was easing up more than he ever thought possible. Yet he still found his thoughts plagued by memories when he was left on his own. Sure, certain aspects of his condition had gotten better, but some parts remained and got worse. Antonio still spent any free time cleaning compulsively, too afraid to be left alone with his thoughts, and he still was not eating nearly as well as he should be. In fact, when Antonio had stepped on the scale in the Vargas' bathroom, he saw that he had actually lost five pounds, and found himself tightening his belt tighter than he had been.

"Bye, Toni!" Feliciano shouted.

"Ciao, Toni!" Seraphino called.

Lovino said nothing, he simply followed his little brothers out the door as they headed off to school. Antonio waved to them through the window, them returned to the kitchen, his wooden smile falling off his face as he gathered the dirty dishes from breakfast.

Once the dishes were clean and put away, he leaned his elbow on the counter, chin in his palm and gazing rather aimlessly out the window. His mind began to drift...

...To a certain girl with a green headband.

Antonio wrenched himself out of his thoughts, shaking his head so violently that he became unsteady and fell to the floor, thumping his elbow solidly on the edge of the counter.

He lay there for a moment, pain zinging through his entire arm, and he reveled in the pain. It, as always, became his anchor, keeping his thoughts firmly grounded and allowing him to return to himself.

Finally, he pulled himself to his feet, rubbing his painful elbow as he made his way to his room and sat on the bed.

"Antonio."

Antonio jumped, his heart racing as he looked up to see Roma standing in his doorway. The russet haired Italian man leaned on the doorframe and there were pronounced lines around his mouth as he gazed at the Spaniard.

_Worry lines._ Antonio realized subconsciously, setting down the shoe he had been about to put on. He was planning to walk through the gardens and look for weeds while the children were at school.

"What is it, Roma?" Antonio asked, straightening a bit.

"I thought I heard you fall in the kitchen. It made a rather loud thump, and I wanted to make sure that you were alright." Roma said, moving a bit inside the room.

Antonio grimaced. He hadn't known it was that loud. "Ah, that." he said, scratching his head awkwardly. "I tripped over my own two feet and ended up on the floor!"

He followed it up with a laugh that sounded so fake and forced even to his own ears that he scarcely kept himself from cringing. But Roma nodded, seemingly convinced. The older Italian smiled gently, clapping Antonio on the shoulder gently.

"Be careful out in the gardens." Roma said finally before leaving. Antonio nodded.

"Yes sir."

.~*~,

_"'Tonio, 'Tonio. Wherefore art thou, 'Tonio?"_

_Antonio smiled, feeling a sense of joy in his chest as he turned, raising a hand to shield his eyes from the beautiful sunlight, to see the girl who had so laughingly called his name. _

_But he saw her only for an instant, for as he turned to receive her sunny smile, the air became dark, and a chill stole its way down his spine. Before him was a desolate grave, a headstone cut from cold granite that glowed in a sickening way in the still air. the sunlight was gone, and there seemed to be an ominous light pulsing from inside the stone itself. Antonio took a step back, a hand flying to his mouth as he felt his back bump into something._

_He turned, slowly, knowing what he would find._

_The decomposing corpse, half skeleton, half rotting flesh. The lovely hair was gone, and only one eye remained in its socket. The other dangled by the optic nerve down the grotesque cheek, and the mouth smiled in a repulsing grin._

_"You let me die, 'Tonio." The words came garbled from a rotted tongue, and a spray of maggots burst from her chest, right where her heart would be. The little white larvae flew through the air, onto Antonio's skin, into his shirt, in his hair, and one landed in his mouth. Antonio screamed._

"Antonio!"

Hands grabbed him, shaking him, and Antonio wrenched himself back into awareness to find himself drenched in a cold sweat, and Roma's capable hands wrapped easily around his thin biceps.

"R-Roma?!" Antonio sobbed like a child, relieved to be woken from the nightmare that had plagued him since the incident in Buñol.

"It's okay, Antonio. I've got you." Roma murmured.

Roma said nothing more, merely crushed the Spaniard to his chest in a very fatherly gesture, letting Antonio cry and cry.

"Pa." Came a subdued voice from the doorway, and Antonio's streaming eyes could barely make out Lovino's form. "Pa, I heard screaming. What's wrong?"

"Antonio had a nightmare. It's okay now." Roma said, gently releasing Antonio as his sobs turned to hiccupping sniffles.

"Can I help?" Lovino asked, moving farther into the room.

"Sure, Lovi. We can all go sit downstairs and have some warm milk or hot cocoa or something." Roma said, smiling indulgently.

Even through the terror still curling in his gut, Antonio looked up in surprise. Lovino's startling green eyes were concerned as they evaluated him, and Antonio realized how pathetic he must look. He climbed out of bed, and Roma stood, moving to the doorway as Antonio fumbled for his robe and pulled it on. Then, Roma led the two downstairs and into the kitchen, flicking on the lights and going to the fridge.

Lovino scrambled onto the seat next to Antonio, his gorgeous eyes sleepy and concerned. His dark hair was ruffled from sleep, his cheeks pale pink in the light. Antonio gazed upon the boy, taking him in, before snapping back to himself.

What was he doing? He recognized this flutter in his chest and stomach, and he could not feel that way about Lovino! The boy was fourteen, just a kid! Not only that, but there was no way Lovino could like him. He carried too much emotional baggage, his mentality was too unstable. Antonio let his head drop to the counter with a sigh.

He couldn't love Lovino.

He _couldn't._

But he did.


	4. And The Pain Of The Past

"Antonio, are you okay?" Lovino asked, pulling the Spaniard from his revelation. "You're just staring at me and it's really fucking creepy."

"Language, Lovi." Roma chided from over at the stove.

Antonio shook his head to clear it, then offered a smile to Lovino. "Yeah, I'm alright, Lovi." he said. He planted his elbow on the table and rested his chin in his hand, eyes closed. Immediately, the image of the rotting corpse from his nightmare popped up out of the darkness, so unexpected that he cried out, jerking back and nearly falling off the stool. A strong arm caught him, and Antonio's eyes opened to see Roma, supporting him with one arm and looking very concerned.

"Antonio. Are you okay?" Roma asked in a low voice, undoubtedly feeling the way the Spaniard trembled in his arms.

Glancing over, Antonio saw Lovino watching him with wide eyes, and Antonio pulled out of Roma's steadying hand, sitting upright on the stool, flushing slightly. "I'm alright." he said. "I dozed off for a moment, and I must of lost my balance." he said, trying to make the words sound true.

Lovino pursed his lips, looking completely adorable and like he didn't believe what Antonio said. Roma, on the other hand, nodded in acceptance of the Spaniard's story.

"Well, it is three in the morning." Roma said, placing a mug of warm milk in front of Antonio and Lovino each. "Drink up, boys, and then it's off to bed with both of you. Lovi, remember that you have school in the morning."

"Yes, Pa." Lovino mumbled, taking his mug and sipping from it.

Antonio did the same, raising the mug to his lips and drank the familiar and comforting warm liquid. It made him think of raining days back in Spain when he was younger, when he and his Mama had watched the storm from the windows, always with warm milk. It made him long for the times when he was healthy, when his mother would actually talk to him.

"You look sad, Toni." Lovino said suddenly. Antonio looked up, peering at the Italian boy over the top of his mug. "Is something wrong?"

"No, I'm okay." Antonio said, looking into his mug. "I'm just remembering things." he said, feeling his cheeks heat up under the intensity of Lovino's amazingly green eyes. He finished his drink and hopped off the stool, heading to the sink to rinse it.

"I've got it, Antonio. Just go ahead back to sleep." Roma said, taking the mug. Antonio nodded and escaped upstairs.

He closed himself in his room and hesitated. He couldn't think, he could not handle it tonight, and there was no distraction in here. In less than a minute, he began to pace the floor, wringing his hands and shaking his head every few seconds, trying to keep the dangerous thoughts from his head.

When he heard the sounds of footsteps approaching his door, he leapt into bed, pulling the covers up and closing his eyes as much as he could without actually closing them completely. He tried to make his breathing sound even and focused on the sound of his pounding heart. His door opened, and through his lashes, he could see Roma standing in the doorway. Checking on him. It was a kind and fatherly gesture, one that almost brought tears to Antonio's eyes. After a moment, Roma closed the door. His footsteps headed away.

And Antonio tore the covers off, leaping from the bed like it was on fire. He paced the room again, breath creeping up to hyperventilation the longer he did so. He dropped, crouching on the floor and hands buried in his hair, tightening and yanking the chocolate strands, feeling the pain prickle his scalp. It wasn't enough, never enough, he could still see her, still hear her screaming, and it was killing him it hurt so bad and he couldn't make it stop! He surged to his feet, ripping out strands of hair that floated down around him, and he headed to the bathroom attached to his room, hand shaking as he flipped the switch, pulling out the drawers under the sink and searching frantically. He couldn't think, and in his head, the screaming went on and on. Not finding what he was looking for, he slammed it closed, turning on his heel. He left the room, sprinting down the stairs, through the enormous living room, and out the back door. He had grabbed his cell phone, and now he held it like a life line as he dialed. It took him three tries to get the number right.

The phone rang.

"Hello~ It's Bella, I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you!"

Antonio felt his heart rate slow. He took a huge breath, closing the phone before it could take a message. It had helped, to hear her voice, to hear it happy and sweet as it had when she was alive, instead of the sick, twisted parody of her voice that always played in his nightmares.

The sound of her voice, coupled with the cool night air, helped calm Antonio. He felt suddenly exhausted, eyes trying to close. He headed back inside. Instead of going all the way to his bedroom, he collapsed onto one of the plush leather couches, phone still in hand. He was asleep almost instantly.

.~*~.

Antonio half-woke, eyes till closed. He was curled into something warm and moving. His eyes opened halfway. Roma was carrying him, up the stairs, and into his bedroom. Letting his eyes close again, Antonio sighed softly as he felt Roma lower him onto his bed and pull the covers over him. He wanted to open his eyes, to thank Roma for carrying him from the couch, but he was so tired. Panic attacks always sapped his energy. He was asleep again in seconds.

.~*~.

By the time Antonio woke and finally made his way downstairs, the kids were home from school. Feliciano looked up as Antonio entered the kitchen and bounced over to him happily.

"There you are, Toni!" the bubbly boy said. "Papa said that you weren't feeling well, so we should let you sleep. But now you're awake, so does that mean you're feeling better? I sure hope so, cause even though Papa is a good cook, he's not nearly as good as you, and-"

"Feli! Shut up!" Lovino snapped from where he was sitting at the counter, hunched over a book. "For God's sake, leave him alone! You don't like it when people talk to you when _you_ don't feel well."

Instantly, Feliciano backed off. "Sorry." he said sheepishly to Antonio.

"You're fine." Antonio said, forcing a smile for the chastised boy. "I just needed to sleep for a bit. I'm all better now."

"Ve~ Good!" Feliciano said, bouncing back to his assembled books.

"Where are Roma and Seraphino?" Antonio asked, looking around.

"Pa took Sera out to the grocery store with him." Lovino mumbled, not looking up from his book.

Antonio nodded, feeling at a loss of what to say. He couldn't help but to feel a bit ashamed for spending the entire day asleep instead of doing his work, especially since he had thought he had finally started to move forward. Antonio shook his head. Better not to dwell on that now.

With nothing else to do, Antonio threw himself into the chores that he should have done that day. He cleaned the kitchen, putting dishes away and cleaning the new ones; he distributed the laundry from the laundry room to bedrooms, and then pulled on his leather gloves and headed out to the front garden, basket on his hip, to weed. He was there when Roma returned an hour later, he and Seraphino both holding grocery store bags.

"Antonio, you're up." Roma said in surprise, going to the Spaniard and kneeling beside him with his arms still laden down with groceries. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm okay now." Antonio said, not wanting to look into the face of the kind eyed man. He continued his methodical weeding. After a moment, Roma sighed and stood.

"I have to take these inside. Please take it easy, Antonio." the older man said.

"Yes sir." Antonio said, not looking up. He paused, listening to Roma's steps growing fainter, until the front door closed.

He sighed softly, pulling off a glove and pressing his hand to his eyes. Roma seemed so worried about him, it was making him feel sort of guilty. But he couldn't tell him about the dream or anxiety attack. He couldn't let Roma think that he was deteriorating. Otherwise, he'd be sent back to Spain, and goddamn it, Antonio wanted to stay here.

"Toni?" the voice made him jump, and Antonio wheeled around to see Lovino standing there, looking oddly uncertain.

"Hey there." Antonio said, forcing a wooden smile for the boy. Lovino scowled at the weak smile and sat next to Antonio in the grass.

"You look like shit, Toni." Lovino said flatly, sitting cross legged. "What the hell is wrong with you? You're really making my Pa worried."

Antonio cringed, feeling guilty. "I just had a rough night is all. Roma has nothing to worry about."

"It's not just him, dammit!" Lovino snapped, on his feet in seconds and towering over the seated Spaniard. "For fuck's sake, Antonio, I'm really worried about you, and I don't want to be!"

Oh.

Antonio stood then and enveloped Lovino in his arms, hugging the Italian tight. In his arms, Lovino froze for a moment, then hesitantly raised his arms to hug the taller Spaniard. Antonio let his eyes close for a moment. Lovino smelled of sunlight and tomatoes and something like honey.

"I didn't mean to make you worry, Lovi." he said softly. "I'm sorry."

Lovino said nothing, then spoke in a hesitant voice. "I think I have another secret to tell you..." he mumbled into Antonio's shoulder.

With no little regret, Antonio pulled away, catching those lovely green eyes. "What is it, Lovino?" he asked quietly.

"I think I love you." Lovino whispered. His gorgeous green eyes were earnest.

Antonio froze. To hear those words coming from Lovino's little mouth was a shock. To know that the little Italian may actually return his feelings. It was amazing. But...

"But Lovi..." he murmured. "I'm eighteen. You're fourteen. You're still a kid..."

"My Ma was seven years younger than Pa." Lovino said defiantly, puffing out his cheeks in the most adorable fashion. Then his lips parted softly, and the colour drained out of his face. "U-Unless you're saying... You d-don't..." the Italian choked the words out.

"No! That's not what I'm saying!" Antonio, panicked, desperate to make him understand, did the only thing he could think of.

He kissed him.

Their lips met. Antonio's chapped lips against Lovino's soft ones. The kiss was nothing more than a brief meeting of their lips before they parted. But it was enough. It was soft, everything innocent and good in the world, and it made Antonio's eyes flutter closed. When they separated and his eyes reopened, he saw that Lovino's eyes had closed as well.

"I love you, Lovi." Antonio said gently. "Please don't think I meant I didn't."

Lovino rested his head on Antonio's shoulder, looking up. Antonio could see that Lovino's dark hair was not actually brown. In fact, it was a dark copper that glimmered beautifully in the light.

"I love you too." Lovino said, and his faced blushed the adorable tomato red that made Antonio smile. Then he cast his eyes towards the house.

"We can't tell Roma."


	5. Please Let Me

Lovino's love acted like a buoy for Antonio. He lived for their stolen kisses, their quick embraces, the rare night where Lovino could pretend to have had nightmares, and Antonio held him close while they slept. Antonio did not have another nightmare after the last one, and he did not suffer any more panic attacks.

In fact, one day, while the children were at school, Antonio sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen for a full ten minutes. For the first time, his wandering mind did not draw up the wraith of the girl he had once loved. Instead he thought of Lovino. Of their little kisses and sweet smiles. When he came back to himself, he looked at the clock and felt a jolt of pleasure. That had never happened to him before.

"Toni."

Antonio looked up from the bowl and spoon he held. Roma was leaning on the counter, smiling at him. "What is it, Roma?" Antonio asked.

"You were humming." Roma said smiling.

Antonio blinked. "I was?" he asked, surprised. It had been months since he hummed, sang, did anything of the sort. Yet here he was with a melody in his heart and on his lips. A slow smile spread across his face.

"You seem to be doing better, Antonio." Roma said with a clearly approving look in his eyes.

"I feel better than I have for awhile." Antonio confided, stirring the cookie dough in his bowl again. Roma was the only person in the Vargas household who knew about Antonio's troubled past, and Antonio knew Roma had taken a gamble on hiring him.

Roma smiled gently, putting a hand on top of Antonio's dark curls and ruffled them in a fatherly gesture. "I had hoped this place would be good for you." he said gently.

"Thank you." Antonio said, his sincerity ringing true in the two words.

Roma straightened, pulling his hand away from Antonio's head. "There is an event that we will be attending tonight, Antonio. You will be attending it with us. Do you have dress clothes?"

"I..." Antonio blinked, unarmed. "I... Yes."

"Good." Roma smiled. "We'll be leaving at seven."

.~*~.

The front door opened, and Antonio heard the sounds of some very chatty Italians entering. The door closed, followed by the sounds of backpacks hitting the ground, and then the three boys streamed into the kitchen. Feliciano and Seraphino headed straight to the wire rack where chocolate chip cookies were cooling, but Lovino stopped. He looked at Antonio with those arresting green eyes and offered him a shy little smile that Antonio loved so much.

"Toni, I think your cookies are burning." Lovino said, his shy smile morphing into a smirk. Antonio blanched and spun to the oven, sliding on an oven mitt and opening the door. He pulled out the tray of cookies and set it on the counter. The edges were blackened only a bit.

"Thanks, Lovi." Antonio said with a relieved sigh.

"Are you coming to the party tonight, Toni?" Seraphino asked from around a bite of chocolate chip cookie.

Antonio smiled gently. "Yes. I'll be attending."

Seraphino and Feliciano both cheered, and even Lovino made a small sound that may have been triumphant. Antonio chuckled at the kids' excitement, feeling slightly amazed about how much the three boys had grown to like them. He used a spatula to move the cookies onto a cooling rack.

Suddenly, a cheerful Spanish song blasted through the kitchen. The source: Antonio's cell phone. He set the spatula down and fumbled it out of his pocket. A grin lit up his face as he read the caller I.D. He pressed the phone to his ear.

"Francis!" he said happily.

"_Bonjour, mon ami_!" Francis sang into the phone. The man continued to speak in French. "_How are you, Tonio? It's been too long since I've heard from you."_

_"I'm... doing okay." _Antonio responded in slightly awkward French, fumbling a bit as he tried to recall the language. "_I'm a nanny. I'm in Italy, Francis. And I have a love interest now."_

The Frenchman laughed giddily into the phone. "_I am glad to hear it, mon ami. I cannot talk any longer, but I just wanted to check on you."_

_"Okay." _Antonio said. "_Good-bye, Francis."_

_"Au revoir."_

Antonio hung up the phone and turned to see three very surprised looking Italians. "You speak French." Feliciano stated the obvious, honey eyes wide.

"Yeah." Antonio replied. "Francis is from France and was a transfer student to my school. He didn't speak Spanish, and I didn't speak French, but we learned how to speak each others' languages. We did the same thing when we met our friend who is German."

"Wait." Lovino held up his hands. "Let me get this straight. You can speak Italian, Spanish, French, _and _German?!"

"Yeah, I guess so." Antonio said with a bit of a laugh.

"I can speak English." Feliciano offered a bit meekly. "I'm not fluent or anything, but I can speak it well enough."

"I tried to learn English, but I never really got the hang of it, so I quit the class." Lovino said with a shrug of his shoulders. "I'm fine with only knowing Italian."

Antonio chuckled and pulled the last batch of cookies out of the oven and turning the device off. "Well, I'm off to weed the garden." he said.

"Have fun." Seraphino called as he left.

Stopping by the door, Antonio grabbed his gardening gloves and his tightly woven wicker basket to put the weeds in. He headed out and began to root through the brightly coloured plants for the weeds that threatened them. There was something about weeding that he enjoyed. Finding the bad things that threatened the health of the flowers and pulling them out by the root. He could relate.

"Care for company?" Lovino's voice came from behind him, and Antonio turned to him with a smile.

"Of course. Join me, my tomato." Antonio said. Lovino blushed at the nickname, turning his face the red colour that Antonio loved.

He crouched next to Antonio, the light turning his hair to that lovely dark copper. "I really wish you wouldn't call me that, Toni." he mumbled, his eyes glaring.

"Okay then, _love._" Antonio said, grinning wickedly as Lovino flushed an even brighter shade of red.

"That is worse!" Lovino hissed, puffing up like an angry cat. Antonio gave him a mellow laugh and leaned over, kissing the boy's flaming cheek. Lovino buried his face in his arms. "You may call me tomato..." he finally mumbled.

Antonio couldn't stop laughing as he returned to weeding the garden, humming the same little melody that had overtaken him in the kitchen earlier. With the company, the time really flew by, and before he knew it, Roma was calling to them from the front porch.

"You boys will want to come in and start getting ready." Roma told them. "especially you, Antonio. You're covered with dirt."

"Yes sir." Antonio said, snapping a salute to the older man. He stripped off his gloves and put them back by the door. After that he headed upstairs and to his room.

He closed his door and stripped off his shirt, balling it and tossing it into the hamper. Behind him, the door opened.

"Hey Antonio, I-" Antonio whirled around and faced Lovino, who was standing in the doorway. The Italian's eyes were wide as they roamed over Antonio's torso.

Antonio grimaced. He knew how bad he looked. Each of his ribs was clearly visible and defined beneath skin that appeared to be pulled tight over bone. Antonio turned back around quickly, crossing his arms over his bony torso. "What did you need, Lovino?" he asked in a carefully controlled voice.

"I-It's nothing." Lovino said. Antonio heard light, cautious footsteps cross the wooden floor, and then a warm hand touched his back. He ran the hand down the Spaniard's spine, and Antonio shivered as he felt the hand bump over every bone in his back. "Antonio..."

"I'm okay, Lovi." Antonio said, turning to the boy and pasting a smile onto his face. "Really, I'm okay. Go get ready for the party, okay?"

Lovino looked up at him, eyes sad and almost unbelieving. Then he gave a curt nod, turning on his heel and practically fleeing from the room. The door closed loudly, almost a slam. Antonio turned away from the door and headed into the room's attached bathroom. He stripped out of the rest of the clothing and got in the shower.

He had almost forgotten. His day had been going so well. He had been happy, well rested, he had heard from Francis. Then Lovino had come in at the wrong moment, and Antonio remembered his situation. Remembered why he was here.

He showered quickly and got out of the shower. He had brought his one suit with him by sheer luck. Francis had insisted that one never knew when they would need a suit, and he had been right. Antonio made a mental note to thank Francis next time he spoke to him.

It only took Antonio two seconds of staring at the length of fabric in his hands before he remembered how to tie a tie, which he was very thankful for. He decided to bring the suit jacket, but not to put it on yet, and slung it over his arm as he headed downstairs. Roma was already there, immaculately dressed as always in a steel grey Armani suit. Seraphino was ready as well, dressed in black with a black bowtie.

"Pa, I can't remember how to tie my tie." Lovino grumbled from behind him, and Antonio turned. He froze. Lovino was dressed in a charcoal grey suit with a black tie dangling untied around his neck, and he looked absolutely gorgeous in Antonio's eyes.

"Here, I can do it." Antonio said, moving forward and tying the tie with remembered ease. He looked up into Lovino's eyes and cringed. Lovino was looking at him as though he were glass, and Antonio just knew that the Italian boy was seeing him the way he had seen him in the bedroom, agonizingly skinny.

Antonio had to turn away. He went back to Roma's side and kept his eyes safely on the carpet. After a moment, Feliciano bounded down the door dressed in a grey suit and red bowtie. Roma surveyed the four assembled before him, and a glint of approval shone in his eyes.

"It looks as though we are ready. The car is here." Roma said, smiling. "Let's go."

"Car?" Antonio whispered to Feliciano, who gave him a smile.

"A limo." Feliciano replied cheerfully, following his grandfather.

Antonio followed the Vargas children out front, where there was indeed a limo, manned by a sharply dressed chauffer who held the door open as they climbed inside. Antonio looked around in wide eyed wonder at the limo's interior. There was a fridge, skylights, and soft lighting that made the situation feel even more surreal to the Spaniard. Seraphino bumped Antonio's shoulder and gave him a playful smile, recognizing the awestruck wonder on his face. Antonio could only shake his head and laugh as the limo glided forward soundlessly. It was amazing.

The trip felt like it barely took any time at all, and soon they were pulling up to a glamorously lit manor. The chauffer came around and opened the door, and they piled out. Roma led the way up to the impressive front door, where a tall, broad man with long blond hair and piercing ice blue eyes stood waiting. Roma stopped before the man and shook his hand warmly.

"**These are my sons**." Roma said in fluent German. "**Seraphino, Feliciano, Lovino, and Antonio."**

Antonio looked up at the man in shock. Roma had just named him as one of his sons. A warm feeling settled in his chest as a smile spread across his face. The blond man surveyed the four of them, and Antonio felt an inkling of worry. Something about this man was familiar, and it struck a chord of fear in Antonio.

"It is a pleasure to meet you all." the man said in accented Italian. "Please come in."

Antonio followed the others inside, looking around with wide eyes. The manor was filled with immaculately dressed men and women. He caught a glimpse of a boy about Feliciano's age (though admittedly taller and more muscular), with slicked back blond hair and sky blue eyes. Antonio's stomach fell, and he hurried to Roma's side.

"I can't be here!" he whispered, panicked, into Roma's ear. The older man gave him a confused look.

"What do you mean?" Roma asked, clearly confused. "Antonio, what's wrong?"

Before Antonio could reply, he saw a familiar head of white hair, and he stopped in his tracks, hands coming up defensively. The white haired boy turned, and his ruby eyes flared scarlet as they met Antonio's fearful green ones.

"Gilbert..." Antonio said in a low voice, trying to meet the intense red eyes.

"**You."** Gilbert's features twisted into a scowl, and he came over to where Antonio stood, red eyes flashing and hands clenched into fists. "**What the FUCK are you doing here?!"**

Antonio saw a fist coming towards him. He felt a sickening flash of pain, and then the world turned black.


	6. Help You Shoulder Your Pain

Antonio groaned as he struggled back to consciousness. His right eye throbbed terribly and when he opened his eyes, his right eye could only open halfway. He blinked painfully. Above him, the faces of Lovino, Roma, and the long haired blond, Aldrich Beilschmidt, were hovering over him.

"Oh my God, Antonio, are you okay?" Lovino said worriedly, his gorgeous green eyes concerned.

Antonio sat up and looked around. The party was presumably still going on, for he could hear classical music and muted voices from the next room, but the room he was in was dim. He swung his legs over the edge of the couch that someone had laid him on, and Roma put a hand on hi shoulder.

"Not so fast, Antonio." The older Italian man warned gently. "You may have a concussion, so try to take it easy for a moment, okay?" Roma's amber eyes held a look of fatherly concern to them.

"I'm alright." Antonio said, touching his fingers to his sore eye and wincing. A young man who was a younger version of Aldrich came forwards, offering an ice pack. Antonio took it and lay in on the offended skin gently.

"You're already getting some pretty bad bruising." Roma said worriedly. "And your eye has swollen a fair deal."

"You should see the other guy." Antonio joked weakly, but it was enough to draw a smile out of Lovino.

Roma, on the other hand, did not seem amused. "I should take you to the hospital; make sure that no damage has been done."

Antonio shook his head frantically at this, nearly dislodging the icepack. "Please don't, Roma. I'm begging you. I hate those places!" he stared imploringly up at Roma, who sighed heavily and ran a hand through grey streaked russet curls.

"Fine." Roma relented. "But I'll be keeping a close eye on you. If I think that something is wrong, I'm taking you to the hospital." He threatened.

Antonio let out a sigh of relief. The last time he had been in the hospital was right after the incident that had had him fleeing to Italy in the first place. He had no desire whatsoever to return to the sterile hospital setting. His mind was fragile enough as it was, without the added stress.

To take his mind off of these troubling thoughts, Antonio turned to Aldrich. **"It's been a long time, Mr. Beilschmidt." **He said a bit awkwardly in German.

On his other side, Antonio heard Lovino whisper to Roma, "Clearly he's okay if he can still show us up with the shit ton of languages he knows." To which Roma replied, "Speaking of languages, you had better mind yours."

Aldrich spoke. "**It has indeed been a long time, Antonio, and I apologize for Gilbert's behaviour. He's always been the most… unpredictable of my children." **The German man let out a little chuckle.

"**Please, sir, don't let me keep you from your party. I'm fine, return to your guests."** Antonio said earnestly, still holding the icepack to his swollen eye.

Aldrich nodded, straightening and swooping from the room, followed closely the man who was clearly his son, closing the door behind him. Antonio looked up at Roma. "Where are Feliciano and Seraphino?" he asked, looking around. The other two Vargas children weren't in the room.

"They're out enjoying the party." Roma said, sitting on the edge of the couch. "Listen, Antonio, we can leave if you want."

"No." Antonio said. "I mean, I'd like to leave, but not badly enough to force the rest of you to go home too. That wouldn't be fair to your family." He said, wincing at the throbbing in his head that accompanied the throbbing in his eye.

"You are part of the family, Antonio." Roma said kindly, and Antonio looked up at him in shock. Roma smiled kindly at him before continuing. "The limo is still here. I'll escort you back home, is that alright?"

"Yes sir." Antonio said in relief.

Lovino hopped right up. "I'll help him out to the car, Pa. You go let Mr. Beilschmidt know that you're leaving for a bit." He said hastily. Roma nodded and left the room, and Lovino helped Antonio climb unsteadily to his feet, wrapping his arm around the Spaniard's waist to support him. They made their way slowly out.

"Dammit, you worried me, Antonio!" Lovino snapped as soon as they were out the door. He shot green eyed daggers at the Spaniard, cheeks puffing out adorably.

"Lo siento." Antonio sighed, in too much pain to offer a proper a proper apology.

"Who was that bastard, anyways?" Lovino huffed, looking away.

"Remember how I said Francis and I had a German friend?" Lovino nodded that yes, he did remember, and Antonio continued. "Gilbert Beilschmidt was that friend. The three of us were unstoppable together, and we had so much fun." Antonio smiled wistfully. Lovi, I know you've figured out that something bad has happened to me."

"Yeah, I did." Lovino said in a subdued tone. "That's why you had the nightmare that one night, and why another night I looked out my window an saw you crying in the garden, and why you're so skinny that I can see your bones… What happened to you, Antonio?"

"I can't tell you." Antonio said heavily as they reached the limo. "But after the incident that sent me here, Gilbert stopped talking to me. Wouldn't come see me in the hospital, wouldn't even look at me if we were in the same place. He blames me for what happened. And he's right…"

"Shut up!" Lovino snapped suddenly. "Don't let that asshole make you feel guilty! I don't know why you're really here, but it doesn't matter! I don't care what happened in your past, as…" and suddenly the Italian was tomato faced. "As long… As long as you're in my future…" he mumbled.

Antonio stared at him. That was by far the sweetest thing that the hostile redhead had ever said to him and he felt a smile break out across his face despite the pain that it caused in his sore eye. He leaned over and kissed the boy's cheek gently. "Thank you, Lovi." He said sincerely. "That means so much to me."

Lovino grumbled and deposited him in the car. After a moment, Roma hurried down the walkway and hopped in, and the car pulled away.

"I forgot how many children Aldrich has." Roma said with a weary sigh. "Gilbert, Ludwig, Hesse, Saxon, Lili, Holden, Theodo. I'm sure I'm forgetting a few…" Roma said with his normal hearty laugh.

"Carter." Antonio spoke up quietly.

Carter Beilschmidt, the little boy, only a year Gilbert's junior, who had sickened and wasted away when Gilbert and Antonio were only six years old.

"Ah, I remember that boy." Roma said with a sigh. "The first person my Feli loved."

Antonio didn't know what to say. Talking moved his sore cheek and eye too much, so he just lapsed into silence. After only a moment, the jittery anxiety fluttered in Antonio's chest, and he closed his eyes, concentrating on his lovely Lovino instead of succumbing to the memories of the girl he had once loved.

Before long, they were at the house, and Roma helped Antonio inside. "I'm going to stay here and keep an eye on you." Roma told him, his firm tone not allowing for any argument. Antonio merely nodded mutely and let Roma fuss over him.

It only took a few minutes of lying on the plush leather couch for Antonio to fall asleep.

_Antonio lay amidst the fire and smoking metal, barely able to breathe but knowing that he had to get up. He had to find Bella. He pushed slowly to his feet, cutting himself on sharp edges of metal and coughing up something that tasted like copper. He turned slowly on the spot, blinking blood from his eyes. _

"_She's not here." _

_Antonio whirled around and saw Gilbert standing there, pale and solemn as a ghost or an angel of death. The German's copper eyes flashed accusingly._

"_You killed her! You killed her! It's all your fault! You're why she's dead! Murderer! You killed her! You killed her!" Gilbert chanted as maliciously as a elementary school bully on the playground, grinning wickedly._

"_Stop!" Antonio screamed the word, tears pouring from his eyes. _

_A girl with shoulder length blonde curls appeared suddenly next to Gilbert. Her skin was rolling off, revealing red muscle and ivory bone, and her eyes had rotted into black pits in her skull. The skin of her lips was peeled back and dangled in fleshy strips, and her dress was torn and stained horribly with fluids. Clumps of her hair was missing, and her intestines spilled from an awful wound in her stomach. She could not possibly see, for she had no eyes, but Antonio swore that she was looking into her soul. With a jolt of horror, he realized that worms and maggots crawled in her skull's empty sockets._

"_You killed me." She rasped in a terrible voice. She and Gilbert began to walk towards Antonio, side by side. Antonio backed up quickly, but soon found himself against a twisted metal skeleton that kept him from retreating any farther. The two figures advanced, and Antonio could only wait for them to reach him. _

_They drew even closer, and the girl raised a rotted hand, reaching out as though to touch him, and he screamed._

"Antonio?"

The Spaniard jolted upright, looking around with wild eyes. He saw Lovino standing hesitantly in the doorway to the living room, holding a set of Antonio's pajamas in his hands.

"Pa told me to give you these. Are you alright?" the Italian boy asked, peering closer at Antonio's face. "Did you have another bad nightmare?"

"I did." Antonio said with a breath that was half sob, half sigh. Lovino hurried forward, kneeling in front of the distressed Spaniard. "Do you want me to call for Pa? Do you need to go to the hospital? Or—"

"Stop it!" Antonio half-shouted, shooting to his feet. He hurried out into the garden shakily. Once he was alone, he fumbled in his pocket for his mobile phone and called the number he knew by heart.

"Hello~ It's Bella, I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave a message, and I'll call you back as soon as I can! Thank you!"

Antonio sat hard on the grass, not caring that he was still in his nice tuxedo, and buried his phone in his hands. Not only was he haunted by the terrible nightmare, but the look of hurt in Lovino's eyes just made him feel even worse. He sighed and climbed reluctantly to his feet. At least one of the problems he could fix.

Lovino was still where Antonio had left him, kneeling in front of the couch. The Italian boy jumped to his feet when Antonio reentered, and the Spaniard was not surprised to see hardness in Lovino's fiery eyes.

"What?" the prickly Italian spat.

Antonio hurried forward and hugged Lovino tightly, burying his face in the boy's neck. Tears slipped from his eyes. "I'm sorry, Lo siento, Mi dispiace, all of it. I shouldn't have acted that way."

Lovino softened, patted Antonio's back. "You had a bad dream, its okay." Lovino said in a tone that was almost fatherly sounding. "Come on, let's go to bed."

The Italian helped Antonio out of his suit and into his pajamas, firmly keeping his mouth shut when Antonio's emaciated body was exposed. Once that was done, he led Antonio upstairs, to his own bedroom. Antonio didn't say a word, merely climbed into the bed and closed his eyes. Lovino's warm weight settled against his back, a hand rubbing gently, and Antonio slipped off into a dreamless sleep.


End file.
